Saturday, November 13, 2010

So Tired of Zombies

Went to Portland. Walked around Powell’s bookstore. Saw way too many books about Zombies. My theory is that a zombie outbreak is near and that the government is preparing us to deal with it through mainstream culture propaganda. And my opinion is that if you don’t know how to deal with zombies by now, its your own fault. Now stop publishing the manuals already.

For reference:Destroy their heads. It does not make sense that mindless creatures die when their heads are destroyed, but that is the rule. Shoot them in the head, chop it off, cleave it, or burn them whole.

Bring machete, stakes, hammer, and guns. Shotguns are preferable, hand guns require more precision and you will be under stress. Eventually you will run out of ammunition and that is where the machete and stakes + hammer come into play. You want to rely on the machete to chop heads off or in rare but lucky cases where you are on the other side of a wire fence, use the stakes + hammer to execute the zombies.

Last word of advice: don’t get bitten, and don’t get sentimental. If your loved ones gets bitten, they are dead. Kill them. Unless the invasion is Haitian zombies there is most likely no cure. Haitian zombies can get cured by killing the witch doctor. If you feel lucky and think its an epidemic, tie your loved ones down really really really well and leave them. Survive, find a cure, survive some more, and cure them.

Now before you go any further, make sure to read up on Vampires and Werewolves. Same theory, same opinion.

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